Most of you are using dialogue in your short stories, which is fabulous. I'm noticing that some of you are having trouble remembering how it should be arranged on the page, so here are some examples you can refer to:
"Mom, I don't know what they're talking about. I went to school, went to all my classes--I even turned in all my homework--and then I came home. I haven't seen Mary since yesterday," Carol swore.
"Then why do her parents think you know where she is, or that you're 'hiding her?'" Carol's mother asked.
"Yo!" Brad yelled from across the gym.
"What's up?" I hollered back.
"Gentlemen, would you like detention, or would you rather just stop yelling at each other like lunatics?" Mr. Blythe asked.
This has been the longest day of my life, I thought as I waited for the boss to stop lecturing us. "What's that Mrs. Clarence?" Dang. I didn't hear that last part. I hate it when I look stupid in front of groups.
Hopefully these help some, but if not make sure you ask in class!
Christine,
ReplyDeleteI loved your story and it was worth reading all of it.It was very dramatic and mysterious which I'm a fan of. I also thought that your story told nearly all my questions on why Allison and Jason bully Jess.I finally like teen dramas and bullying stories.It's like a masterpiece and by far my favorite story and it's almost as good as Whirligig and probably Harry Potter by a little bit.
Though I do have a couple questions.
One is Who messed up her locker?
Two is Why doesn't she tell a staff member that she's getting bullied.
Three is do Allison and Jason really hate Jess or is it just for everyone not to remember their fathers?
Four is what do you mean by truck stop freak from Allison and then cave which Jess said?
I think your polish is proficient but there are some you need to work on.When you said Allison is cowardly in attacks,I think you should make Jason insult instead after they both got detention and I thought maybe the lunch lady might hear and tell the administrator or anyone else.I also think you should describe the ending in details about Allison and Jason's fate as well as Jess's.I think that's all I have and your story is my favorite so far in my opinion.